Bad Pirates
by Gliblord
Summary: Luffy reminisces on tales of bad pirates past.


**Bad Pirates**

Shanks shooed away a wily crab that'd tried to abscond with his straw hat, and tipped the hat over his eyes against the shore's sunup sparkle. This was his day to relax-to enjoy one day of quiet. And the beach along the neglectful Goa Kingdom's quaint, unassuming Windmill Village was the perfect East Blue hideaway.

Tiny Luffy, spying on the rascal pirate from beneath the docks, had witnessed the crab's near success from afar and decided to make a go for it as well. Leaving behind his sandals, he carefully sidled along the sand on his tiptoes so Shanks wouldn't catch on. Surprisingly, it worked.

"Gah!" Shanks gasped, noticing at the last second Luffy's hand on the brim of his hat.

"Oh hi, didn't realize you were there," Luffy whistle-fibbed, trying to sound totally cool and nonchalant and failing as only the little brat could.

"Come to catch me and my treasure again?" Shanks laughed. "Ol' Garp put you up to this, didn't he? I'm rather stronger than the average pirate, you know. In fact I'd daresay your grandpa would recognize me from the old days. In any case, I'm sure the Marines will value your brave heart, Monkey D. Luffy."

"Nah, I'm not gonna be a Marine anymore. I've decided I''m gonna be a pirate," asserted Tiny Luffy with a **DON**. "It'll be awesome!"

"Oh? And how exactly does a runt like you plan on becoming a pirate?"

"By stealing your treasure!"

Luffy swiped the straw hat and tried sprinting towards town. Shanks stood up and took his time kicking the sand out of his sandals before giving chase and lifting Luffy up by the collar.

Shanks affected a grumpy expression and, slapping his hat back on, stared sternly into Luffy's eyes. "Sorriest pirate I ever did see. Couldn't keep your loot for ten seconds!"

"I'll beat you up!" said Luffy, tearing up.

Shanks let out a good chuckle before setting Luffy down. "Listen, Luffy. Garp sent you to East Blue, a bubble mostly unperturbed by the negative fallout of the Great Pirate Age, but the pirate's life isn't just fun and games. You'll be bombarded by hard choices and brutal obstacles, and you can bet there won't be any shortage of strong enemies all too capable of putting your adventure to an end. I've seen so many crews disbanded or destroyed under the pressure, I just want peace for a while. When I set out once more, it'll be to bring my peace to the high seas!"

Shanks patted Luffy on the head. "By making your grandpa proud and enlisting in the Marines, you could even help me preserve the world's balance."

He paused for dramatic effect, to allow his world-weary wisdom to settle and impress the boy.

"...That's lame," Luffy spat. "I just wanna be free!"

"Watch it now." Shanks drew his sword. "You just insulted a pirate."

The sword's tip drew a single dot of red on Luffy's throat. Luffy squealed in terror.

"See? You become a pirate, I'll sell your head to a hunter and make a tidy sum."

Shanks pressed the point, literally and figuratively. Luffy fell backwards and cried freely.

"And I'd be the only bugger nice enough to spare you the agony of surviving and getting thrown into to prison. Most pirate hunters won't do you that kindness. The oceans are rife with countless downright detestable cads."

Shanks sheathed his sword and plopped back onto the sand beside Luffy, who was trembling, speechless.

"Man, that really wasn't me," he laughed. "I _was_ lame, forgive me Luffy. Insults are fine compared to..."

The pirate closed his eyes and summoned his memories.

"Let me tell you about Hornet Dastan. He was one of the Grand Line's most infamous kidnappers, and I had the misfortune to encounter him while shopping for my crew. Dastan was a bee Zoan, and a real nasty piece of work. He'd routinely puncture his own stinger 'mark' where the Celestial Dragon Hoof was to be branded, so when the welt touched the bondmaster's fiery prod, the tattoo would scorch even deeper into the back and elicit the most blood-curdling screams. Needless to say, this extra humiliation pleased many clientele and drove up prices. Hornet had nearly succeeded in branding me-he wanted me for the red hair-before my captain defeated him. Bastard spent his last breaths speculating on what price my captain's head would bring-said he could _taste_ the time he'd forget his pride and grovel before the might of the World Government, begging in vain, practically _eager_ to offer his friends' heads to spare himself. The mere idea of such spineless treachery caused my captain to lose his lunch overboard, he was so repulsed," Shanks recalled. "Now imagine a slaver managed to come across a D. like you? If he's got half a brain in him, there's practically _nothing_ he wouldn't do to bring you in."

The waves crashed against Shanks's feet, dragging away the sand in them little by little. Luffy rubbed Shanks's back, a little confused at Shanks's glum expression.

"Then there's the tale of the big dog pirate known simply as Dorrin," Shanks continued. "Doesn't sound so intimidating today, but before the dawn of the Great Pirate Age his name inspired as much fear as legends like Shiki the Gold Lion and Whitebeard. His stomping grounds were limited to relatively sleepy section of the Grand Line-well, as sleepy as the Grand Line gets-but to say the islands he claimed were devastated by his mass psychosis scheme would be an understatement. Often he didn't even need to lift a finger for swaths of high-end homes to succumb to his almost charismatic doomsaying and annihilate themselves. Dorrin would announce by loudspeaker to entire towns that whichever family didn't paint their house's door red with their neighbor's blood would be eaten by his wolves. Real, ravenous wolves. He banked on the nobles' inhumanity and escaped with massive loot virtually scot free. That is, until my captain toppled his reign of terror. To this day 'Dorrin's Islands' are uninhabited due to the stigma, and the whole incident is kept hush hush.

"Who should I scare you with next?"

The crab had returned. Shanks stared at it blankly for a few seconds, then skipped it across the waves like a stone. Luffy giggled, and Shanks exhaled.

"How about Pliny Todd, infamous for chopping up his victims and trying to get the individual dismembered parts identified as separate fugitives so he could rake in more reward money? Or Ilya the Strange, the exiled mystic and former advisor to several kings who poisoned vital trade waterways as revenge, starving thousands? Shall I regale you of the heinous designs of Avalo Pizarro, or the ghost brigand Okonkwo? If it weren't for my captain and crew all these tyrants might still be destroying peace to this day. And a new gallery of equally reprehensible scoundrels is patrolling the seas. Do you understand now, Luffy?"

But far from scared straight, Luffy only huffed defiantly.

"No way, I just have to become super strong like your captain and beat up all the bad guys!"

This had not been Shanks's intended lesson-though he could certainly relate to the sentiment.

"That's what I have to do, too," Shanks realized. "Heh, maybe you're not such a sorry pirate after all. Looks like you're rubbing off on me!"

"Shishishishishi," Luffy giggled.

"On second thought, you're too weak, I take that back!"

"NO FAIR!" said Luffy.

"If you ever really prove yourself as mature pirate material, I'll give you my blessing," said Shanks. "Will you follow in the footsteps of the pirates who ushered in the Age of Freedom?" he challenged, pondering the destiny of his D.

"I'LL!" Luffy started, pumped up. "I'LL...uh..."

"Shhh. Head home and sleep on it."

Luffy seemed simultaneously contented and confused by this sudden validation of his crazy pirate idea, but the conflicting reactions quickly synthesized in his simple brain into just hunger.

"By the way, who _was_ your captain?" he asked.

Shanks's only response was a mysterious grin: _Figure it out._

_

* * *

_

"The Pirate King."

Garp ground his teeth at the name, but an unmistakable note of affection crept into his voice all the same.

Ace occupied himself fiddling with his sneakers; he didn't want to hear anything anymore about the damned Pirate King. Luffy, on the other hand, was rapt with attention, happily roasting over the bonfire a Colbo mountain frog he'd taken as a pet earlier that day. His straw hat was hanging on the tower of stacked bruises his _jicchan_ had just dealt him for his latest petty larcenies and general insubordination.

"Roger was the most fearless man I ever knew."

Ace intensified his concentration on his shoelaces.

"Roger's defiance of everything the World Government held sacred was truly breathtaking. At the time my men and I could scarcely believe such audacity was sincere. But over time his crew displayed courage, cunning, and _caring_, even for their adversaries_. _For all his crimes, I'd be lying if I said Roger didn't inspire me more than my own superiors did. The conviction of his ideal of 'freedom,' though wrongheaded, won hearts and minds over the crude 'justice' of the Marines. But as far as pirates go, Roger was the exception to the rule. The Great Pirate Age he masterminded has only led to chaos and lawlessness the likes of which hasn't been seen since before World Unity!"

All this flew right over Luffy's head. The only thing he retained was the notion that Roger was exceptionally badass and strong even when he was just using words, just like Shanks.

Garp saw Luffy's look of admiration and gave him a whack upside the head. "PIRACY ISN'T COOL! Criminals are criminals!"

Garp cleared his throat and continued his lecture while Ace hurriedly dabbed at the tiny crybaby's eyes.

"Do you wanna know some of the horrendous monsters Roger's Great Pirate Age has unleashed! How about Captain Incense Wendell, who concocted the foulest aromas that would stick in your clothes for weeks! Do you know how long I had to shower after I threw him in his cell? I bet Roger sure is glad he's too dead to pick up the tab," Garp grumbled.

"Then there were the Opossum Pirates, who'd sail the seas splayed on deck with blood-stained clothing as though they were killed, and then spring on anybody who came aboard to take whatever provisions were left. Bastards nearly got me, and if I didn't have my swordsman Bogart with me I wouldn't be here wasting my time with you ungrateful little snots."

"'The Opossum Pirates'? Isn't their gimmick sort of obvious? You sure are dumb, grandpa," said Ace. He instinctively braced for a smack, but grandpa instead slipped into his more contemplative mood.

"Eh, there were loads of crews with incongruous names. Can't tell you how many contained some permutation of 'lion' or 'wolf,' since most of these jokers weren't terribly creative. I just figured 'opossums' was a feeble attempt at originality, and I uh... didn't really know what opossums were," he admitted. "But anyway, it's not like annihilated pirate crews are an uncommon sight outside East Blue, so shut your trap. Speaking of which, did I tell you two the story of the Cacklecrow Pirates? Some rookie actually managed to recruit a sizable crew of just Bird Zoans! I wiped them out quicker than nothing, but the fight was the most fun I'd had at sea for quite a while... uh, where was I?"

"Pirates are bad," Ace reminded him.

"Wha? Oh right! Let's see... did I tell you about the-"

"Only a thousand times!" said Ace.

"Ah. Well then... you get the idea."

"Yeah, PIRACY IS COOL!" said Luffy, waving his frogleg in the air like a sword. He winced for the pain that was sure to come.

Garp was about to hit him, but his arm stopped in midpunch and his expression softened. "My arm's too tired for this," he rationalized. "What say we get some shut eye?"

Luffy nodded and embraced his hulking _jicchan_ with stretchy arms. Ace merely doused the fire and set to work pitching the tent without a word.

Clearly neither of them were too taken in by the glory of the Marines, but they said what they wanted without fearing the consequences. Luffy in particular seemed ready to withstand any pain that might come his way in order to sustain his dreams.

Garp felt a surge of pride in his sons. They each would take a very different path from his own, but they would all become men who stood by their convictions with confidence and basic human decency.

Even Dragon.

Ace swore he caught grandpa _crying_ before the fire fizzled.

* * *

"Meat... I need _meat_..."

"Luffy, you've already eaten too much meat for Chopper's comfort!" Nami chided.

Luffy moaned and fidgeted in his bedsheets as Nami checked his temperature again.

"This is bad, I don't think his fever hasn't gone down at all since yesterday. What did Chopper say was the really dangerous temperature range again?"

Usopp tried to remember but blanked. "I guess I'll go ask. But don't worry too much, Nami, we pulled through for you, we'll definitely pull through for Luffy!"

Usopp gave Luffy a determined nod. "And I'll tell Sanji to make you a _ton_ of meat for tonight, man, you'll-"

"Story..."

Huh?

"Tell me stories... about pirates..." Luffy wheezed and blinked his blurry pupils, the picture of illness. Was he delirious?

A pause.

"So someone wants to hear the tales of the great Captain Usopp, eh?" he said, humoring Luffy.

"Nami... tell me about bad pirates..."

Usopp exchanged a confused glance with Nami and shrugged. "Whatever he wants, I guess?"

"But _I'm_ no good with stories!" Nami panicked.

"Ah, there's nothing to it," said Usopp. "I just come up with stuff off the top of my head. I'm no esteemed myth-weaver, anybody can do it! And if you're the one Luffy needs, then I won't get all resentful over it," he vowed. "I'll see you in a bit! Hang in there, Luffy!"

Usopp bid his adieu and shut the door gently behind him.

"I... Luffy, what is this about?"

"Shanks used to tell me stories about bad pirates..." Luffy coughed. "_Jicchan_ too... You met lots of bad pirates when you were with Arlong, right?"

Nami's lips curled into a soft smile as comprehension dawned on her.

"I'm not comfortable talking about that." She glanced away, gripping her tattoo. "But I can tell you the story of the greatest pirate I ever encountered. "

Her eyes narrowed and her smile lingered.

"Okay!" said Luffy.

"When I first bumped him into him, I thought he was a garden-variety doofus. But there was something about him..."

Nami picked up the straw hat by the desk.

"...That I'll never forget."


End file.
